Talking to Strangers

By Katina on Wednesday, August 19, 2009 - 20:24

[Editor's Note: The column series 'Talking to Strangers' by former eurOut-editor (Human Interests) Katina has been originally posted during the launch of eurOut.com. Because of the ongoing popularity of these topics we are re-posting the beautifully written columns for all of our new new readers.]

Do you regularly take a transatlantic flight? If so, I may be one of your worst nightmares. I'm The Woman That Tries to Have a Conversation With You. For at least nine hours, you are at my mercy. And short of trips to the bathroom, there's nowhere for you to run.

My girlfriend is a US citizen. I'm from the Netherlands, myself. For five years we've been traveling back and forth. A lot. And over the course of those many, many flights, I've only become more and more inclined to initiate a conversation with the person sitting next to me. What can I say, other than that I never was one to heed my mother's advice? I like talking to strangers: I do it all the time. Hell, I make a living out of it. It's simply proven to be too damn entertaining.

I was once like you: an anonymous traveler, instructed by friends and sitcoms to hide my red eyes behind tinted glasses, to be mindful of where I tuck my carry-on, to eat my dinner in discreet silence. My careful composure was hopelessly – and fortunately! - shattered twice during my very first round-trip, and for me, flying has never been the same.

My very first time was with a missionary who looked a little like Hugh Laurie and yes, he was very gentle. We talked pleasantly for a while before we hit on the topic of religion, and even when we did it was all my fault. He didn't run away screaming, either, after he asked, "How long have you and your guy known each other?" and I answered, "Me and my girl? About a year and a half."

"Your girl," he corrected himself. "So you're attracted to other females?"

I snorted. Come on, you would have, too. Females? It suddenly sounded like he was narrating for Animal Planet. Right, to females. Of any species, really! As long as they're female, I'm happy. Mmm-hmm.

He'd been to China. Was forty-seven and joked about feeling old. Originally from the US, and now working in The Netherlands. Mission work. So I enquired - "Is that what I think it is?"

It was his turn to smile, and he did it fairly enigmatically. "Explain what you think it is, and I'll tell you."

I paused, curious. "It involves religion."

A brief twitch around the corners of his mouth. "It involves faith."

Which was, you know, a good start! Only then he continued, "Faith in Jesus as our Lord and Savior."

I used to get involved in discussions like these with classmates in college and was, as always, intrigued. "So what do we need to be saved from?" I asked.

His answer was quick and simple: "God's wrath."

I frowned. "What is he so angry for?"

His answer was a brief overview of the sins we commit. This is one of the things I like least about most organized religion: the fear, the anger, the guilt. I mean, really; isn’t living life pleasurably difficult enough without the constant awareness that There Will Be Punishment?

"Do you condemn belief systems that aren't like your own?" I wanted to know.

He thought about that. "I disagree with them," he eventually stated. "I think they're wrong if they aren't in agreement with the Bible."

I studied his expression carefully. "But there are other Books."

He smiled. "There are lots of books."

"And people who follow them,” I emphasized. “Faithfully."

"Yes." He was nodding, looking over at the other passengers. "Lots of beliefs. Lots of people. And lots of room for error."

Tags: columns, human interest, talking to strangers

Wow, now this was an

Submitted by JK_Singer on September 17, 2008 - 19:15.

Wow, now this was an interesting read - we Danes are sooo afraid of 'bothering' strangers, and I'm no different myself. And it's really sad actually, it would make the day a lot more interesting if we could just say 'hi' and 'how are you'... I'll consider being a bit more like you in the future ;)

I've walked sometimes confused sometimes ready to crack open wide sometimes indignant sometimes raw - Alanis Morissette

Yup...me too...

Submitted by Embla on September 17, 2008 - 21:46.

As a Norwegian, I can absolutely relate what you're talking about, JK... Maybe it's a Scandinavian thing...?

We are sooo afraid of approaching strangers and opening up to other
people... and we are quite closed and private. It's probably cause it's
winter most of the year here, (we don't really have summers...only
three months of bad skiing conditions...) and people kind of hibernate and don't really talk to other people from September to May

I will def think of this the next time I fly alone...Maybe I'll surprise myself...

Heheh hibernation, that's a

Submitted by JK_Singer on September 18, 2008 - 14:37.

Heheh hibernation, that's a good one ;) Maybe if we all used a lot of hairspray containing co2, the weather would be better and we would all start to crawl out of our shells (and die of radiation). No seriously, I think you have a very good point, so how bout we initiate some scandinavian openess! Mission now in motion...

I've walked sometimes confused sometimes ready to crack open wide sometimes indignant sometimes raw - Alanis Morissette

It's funny because when I

Submitted by Manon on September 20, 2008 - 00:35.

It's funny because when I lived in Sweden I experienced it. I felt so bad when I laughed in the bus. In some countries, nobody cares. In Sweden, everybody notices it because everybody's quiet. And even when I broke the silence and bothered people, they never looked at me because they were afraid they'd bother me by being bothered.

Wait. It's not entirely true. At 01.00 a.m. drunk Swedes speak to anyone. Sometimes they don't even realize that you told them 10 times "Jag pratar INTE Svenska! Dumbass!" and they keep talking. Doesn't "I can't speak English." sound wrong?

This said (yes I amplified everything), I loved it. I met incredibly interesting people in Sweden who were happy to talk =)

And I think that travelling or being a foreigner gives you an excuse to talk to people when you're shy. I don't know, I find it easier to speak to people when I'm not in my home country.

That's how I talked to a stranger in Madrid. It was a few years ago. My ex and I had just broken up. I just wanted to go back to home and cry. Instead of going back to France, I went to Retiro (this nice park) trying to turn sunshine into smiles. This guy was walking, he came and asked me why I was sad. We talked about it during 10 minutes, then he found a way to keep us talking during the whole afternoon. He showed me places of Madrid I had never seen (like the "boob hills" haha). I don't remember his name but I'll never forget this crazy afternoon.

for me i always

Submitted by yael on September 17, 2008 - 22:47.

try to talk to the person i'm sitting next too on a long flight!
i remember last time i was coming back from america there was a really hot girl, who i had talked to in the airport, sitting next to me so that was a good flight!
If any of you have ever been to Israel you'll know what i mean here. In Israel everyone is that friendly all the time. You go on a bus journey and will start chatting to the person next to you and by the end you will know their political beliefs, religious beliefs and full family history. (and hebrew isn't even necessary most the time).
even more so on flights for Israel as israelis on a boring plane journey will chat a lot....sometimes too much!
but i always try and talk to randomers! it doesn't really cause any harm and i wish people all over the world weren't so afraid of chatting to strangers in all situations. failing that we all move to israel!

Talkative stranger magnet

Submitted by juliebubb on September 26, 2008 - 01:02.

I'm the person that attracts people like you on flights. Without fail I'll take my seat and within minutes have discovered where you're going, why and whether or not you like to fly. 9 times out of ten the people next to me hate to fly and will claw at my elbow at every shudder of the plane!

I don't think the ability or lack of ability to talk to strangers is a cultural thing. Many of my friends hate talking to people they don't know. Thankfully it was never a problem for me and is essential in my job...PR consultant.

I don't know what it is about me though that seems to attract strangers like a magnet. I swear I can be in a crowded station just standing with friends and people will come up to me asking directions, looking for help and so on. Crazy people adore me and the amount of wacko's that seem to seek me out is staggering. Thus I'm afraid to start talking to people on a plane incase they show me the ferret they've illegally stowed in their pants!

Check out www.mustardonthehedge.com

I *always* talk to strangers on flights

Submitted by Rhea on August 20, 2009 - 05:41.

I think that part of it has to do with my fear of flying...talking to the person sitting next to me is a nice distraction from the constant anxiety I have while in the air. Last time I visited my family in Scotland (I live in America) on my flight from Atlanta to London I sat next to a man from Pakistan who happened to be a Christian (I'm a Christian as well). The 'crazy' part of that was that he told me only about 3% of the population of Pakistan is Christian. We each shared a little bit about our particular beliefs, and what life was like in our countries as Christians...blah, blah, blah...he told me about his family (he was old enough to be my father). I found it comforting talking to him...it was nice being able to talk with someone that I had something in common with...definitely helped me not freak out as much about the flight...haha.

I talk to strangers all the time :D

Submitted by CrystallineGreen on August 20, 2009 - 21:59.

... and my friends think Im insane :)

I can engage in a conversation with just about everyone, Im not shy and I love to talk with people, I can babble and I can be a good listener, and for some reason, trust seems to be written all over my face as people talks to me without thinking twice... I met half of my friends by randomly talking to them at first, and love the surprise and the unexpected in talking to people.
But I have no idea why I am like that! I encourage everyone to do the same around me, as it's one of the best thing ever especially when you travel! I just love it, Im curious about people and can't stop trying, but eh, it doesn't work everytime, and it can be pretty brutal. I think that's what scare most people, the rejection! I say that for few rejection, you might get one new friend/great conversations/ etc, definitely worth doing, right?

Well

Submitted by Achaya on August 23, 2009 - 16:56.

I don't talk very often to strangers on plain. but not because I'm shy, I just don't know what to say. I mean, if I had a good idea or a point or something important to tell, I can talk to stranges a lot better than to some of my friends. that's maybe one of the reasons why I like to work on information desks in front of a train station for example or collect signatures for something. because then you have a very good reason to talk to stranger.

yeah, but on plain, I often just put on my headphones and try to sleep or so on.