Jealousy

By fortworthhomegirl on Wednesday, March 2, 2011 - 00:19

It is not always easy to have friendships and maintain them as a single lesbian in the world, and making friends worthy of ones time is not always garanteed. It is a leap of faith for any or all of us to trust in friendship to begin with, but keeping our hearts closed is cheating ourselves of the possibility of something wonderful that could really enrich us and bring out many opportunities to become stronger in ourselves. If anyone would have ever tried to tell me who I could or could not be friends with, it would have been a deal breaker for me, afterall I'm old enough and mature enough to make my own decisions. So it blows my mind the small minded jealousies that exist among some of my stronger friends. Who among us does not want love and to be loved? Anyone?
The point is obvious I think, but after a while of being single, and then finding a great a magical gift of love in another person, the lonliness in our own heart may seem to suggest that we should compromise on judgement in our existing friendships because we are trying to make this new person feel welcome and at ease in their new role in our life. This road can lead to hurt though. We can not absolve our own responsibilities to make anyone happy. After a while we only hurt ourself, but we are in a sense lieing to our new love as well.
There have been times when my new love would feel insecure and try to systematically seperate me from the ones I love in my life already. I call this a divide and conquer mentality. Because what happens is the jealous person slowing begins to expose weaknesses in the people they want out of the picture and when those people are all gone show their own true colors. This can be a most unappealing sight indeed, a possesive, controlling, or demeaning person can be the one we thought was everything to us. Now if any of our friends were true to begin with, we know they are still there, but we have weakened trust among those souls.
The point of all of this is that we should not be so easily swayed away from our friends because our lover has issues, and flags should go up when our own judgement in people is questioned due to this same insecurity. After all, if we are showing our true feelings and love intentions to our new relationship, then they should know who they are and what they mean as well. But as Sidney Poitier said in the movie "To Sir with Love", marriage is not for the selfish, insecure, or weak. I'm paraphrasing there but you all get the idea.