Penny for Your Thoughts: Object of affection

By Little G on Wednesday, May 26, 2010 - 15:56

The way you set the table
The way you lean in to tell me something soft
The way I can see into you
The way you tell me I talk too much about myself
It's true, I talk too much about myself
But right now
Right now I wanna talk about you now
Paula Cole - "Carmen"

A couple of months ago I talked to a friend who recently got out of a long-term relationship. She needed a shoulder and I conveniently borrowed her mine. After she verbalized the brunt of what was on her mind, and asked me to share my points of view, the conversation got lighter after I made a silly little remark that made her laugh out loud. After some more joking back and forth we somehow started to play a little game of "Who would you do?" Frankly, we played the PG-rated version: With whom do you think would I have chemistry, and why? Let me conclude there were some interesting suggestions - for both of us.

Interestingly enough, my friend, a straight ally who has been surrounded by queers her adult life, never thought of the fact she could be the crush of a lesbian lady. She figured since she's straight, she takes herself out of the equation - despite the fact she's aware of the fact straight women and men can have same-sex crushes. I told her that's what I used to do, too, when I was younger. Over time there were a few guys (some straight, some gay) who confessed their crushes to me, and that got me thinking. Awkwardness aside, their crushes were obviously sincere, and those crushes told me there is something about me that appeals to them and makes me attractive to them. Even though they know upfront nothing is going to happen. Truth to be told, I think it is a nice ego boost!

After touching base with my friend and admitting that I don't have a crush on her, she got my point. Interestingly enough, she never thought of the tables turning on her that way where crushes were concerned.

Illustration: pbskids.org

I know there have been many a straight girl with crushes on gay men, and there are quite a number of straight men with crushes on lesbians. For one, I was surprised at the responses some of Otep's videos on YouTube got. While some male fans simply state they wouldn't mind getting it on with the singer, other male fans either tell them off or just tell them that is never going to happen, and to be more respectful.

For those who aren't familiar with Otep Shamaya's music: she and her band emerged in the metal scene a decade ago and - thanks to Ozzy Osbourne's wife Sharon - got a stint touring with the Ozzfest caravan. The singer's one of the few in the genre who has been out and upfront about her sexuality from the get-go. Earlier this year Otep was nominated for a GLAAD Media Award for "Outstanding Music Artist" for their album Smash the Control Machine.

Between Otep and out gay singer Rob Halford (Judas Priest), out queer artists in metal are few and between. I guess the closet door in that music genre is still small and tight - even though it can be full of leather sometimes. I can't wait to see Otep on June 11th. Anyway, I really am digressing now.

Now I don't know how serious those crushes are (some of them are pretty serious, I'm sure of that), but it shows that sometimes you really can't help who you're crushing on. Whether it's fuelled by admiration, intellect, lust, or curiosity, there is something about that queer object of affection that greatly appeals to the straight admirer. (I don't think, exceptions aside, that straight people crushing on queer people are closet cases themselves.)