Penny for your thoughts: Public display of affection.

I am a very, very touchy person but I'm also well aware of etiquette and good taste. My girl and I walk hand in hand whenever possible, testing out new waters on vacation and planning our vacation locations accordingly. I might peck her on the cheek or lips and she might do the same. We bump into each other, show small signs of affection by light touches. We keep eye contact and bodily contact as much as possible but never totally overtly.

I am a proud lesbian. I'm also a bit of an anarch in refusing to step down from other people's gazes. My gf is a bit more uncomfortable so I adapt to her most of the time.

We've never made out publicly nor do we intend to. I simply don't see the point. In the privacy of our home, when good friends come around, our PDA is definitely more visible. Laying on the couch together to watch a movie, chases around the house that result in a lip lock, but never tongue. we reserve that for when we are alone.

We agree that playing tonsil hockey is a private affair that belongs in the realm of making love. And I'm sure as hell not making love in public, thank you very much.

That's basically us. Good article topic. I can get really annoyed with couples (gay or straight) who are so overtly sexual in public. It's kind of sacred for me so to see it thrown out there bugs me somehow. Then again, I think everyone should decide for themselves what they are comfortable with. It's never my place to judge. Or comment.

I am a big supporter of PDA. If you are in love you should be able to express that in public. Yes, there are subtle ways to do this, but I don't see anything wrong with kissing your gf (or bf for that matter) when the mood strikes you.

It's not always about showing you're together, but it can also just be about wanting to be affectionate, about greeting your gf with a kiss when you see her, about holding her hand.

There's a difference between PDA and making out. For me it really depends where the latter takes place...in front of me in the queue at the supermarket no thank you, but my friends at a party, I really don't mind.

If you don't feel comfortable with PDA that's fine, but make sure you are uncomfortable for the right reasons. For example, because you think it's a private matter, and not because you really really want to kiss your gf or hold her hand in public but you are afraid to.

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A general consent on PDAs may be impossible to achieve - apart from having to define what exactly counts as PDA for a person (something that tends to differ greatly), there are the shifting factors of the cultural norms with which a person has been raised, the norms prevalent in the environment where a person is living, and the factor of age.

Depending on what your cultural context - both internal and external - defines as "too much", I think it is a natural thing that younger people (perhaps especially LGBT youth fighting invisibility and insecurities) will graze that limit - in Western Europe, that might be tonsil hockey in the metro, or frolicking around in a park fountain. It will be a different thing in different places.

Age may be a much more universal barrier in that way, since people who are older and more settled (including their emotional and sexual proclivities) are generally less likely to make out in the metro or walk around in the park with the hands in each other's back pockets.

These days, I mentally roll my eyes at overly affectionate teenage couples in the metro, but I don't begrudge them that phase.

Apart from that, I find it politically important for LGBT people to not shy away from situations in which a positioning of bodies would make it apparent that you and that woman next to you are a couple. That really can be something as simple as helping your partner out of the car - something that is not sexually charged, does not offend by any means (well, unless you are talking about a die-hard homophobe), but that does further LGBT visibility and, ultimately, normalization.

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I don't like public displays of affection. That may be because I live in France and see many couples making out in front of me in random places. "We need to buy potatoes and toilet paper. Yes, but let's kiss shamelessly before!". I think it's gross. This morning I saw an ad for McDonald's showing a couple exploring their mouths behind Darth Vader. The person who did that has a sick mind.
Don't misunderstand me, I think it's cute if you want to hug your partner or hold her hand SOMETIMES, but that's it. I mean, doing that all the time, in front of people, makes it less special. And I like special.

But, when I was with my ex we used to say each other goodbye at the train station like every lover does before the train leaves. I'm out, and 'proud', so I didn't let anyone bother us, but it's been difficult to handle people staring at us while being so sad because I was leaving.

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I've been sticking down my tongue her throat on several occasions with my first gf, no problem there.

Absolutely no PDA with second gf, as she was dead against it.

Light touches, sometimes a kiss and holding hand with my last one.

So, I guess I do whatever my partner feels comfortable with. I don't mind at all. I like showing it but I also don't mind keeping it at home.

like everybody else here I'm aware of the cultural impact when displaying PDAs.

The location/country/social upbringing all have a great influence.. nevertheless.. in my eyes it is very important to have people who just do, even to the extend it's making others uncomfortable...because if we don't have those taking up the cudgels for others, who will change societal views on LGBTs.. and when. It needs to be over the top to be discussed, and then normalised.

That said, of course I'm not too fan if any couple (straight or LGBT) is jumping on each other right in my face..there's a more private court for your game of tonsil tennis and frisking.

In the past I adapted more to then GFs, and hid my affection for them, but these days I'm less inclined to do so. I am a very touchy feely person with the GF (well, when I have one), and PDAs naturally ensue. I only refrain when I feel physically threatend. But I don't do what I don't want others do onto me, so I'm not going overboard in your face..I do have taste and a brain, even when the pants take over. When abroad I try and adapt to local customs as much as I see fit, and I expect nothing less from foreigners who come to where I live. There can't be two seperate laws!

Still.. I'm not having anybody tell me much what I can do or can't.. because if somebody says my kissing my GF or holding her hand is gross because we are two women then it's outright homophobic.. and I'm not putting up with that shit! Everybody knows abot me being gay.. it's not the all to me, but it's a strong part of me...no point denying, not for the sake of anybody that I choose to be with. The others don't matter much to me, only in the sense that I want to educate them.. if they let me.

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on the situation and getting less as I grow older: No french kissing in the metro anymore, at least not sober ... I don't care if other people do it though. Kissing. I do have a problem with public groping. Because I don't wanna look but can't really look away. Like with a car accident.

If it's a party or in a club and I'm dancing with my girlfriend I probably will end up kissing her, cause dancing leads to kissing ... And you'll see that we're together in the grocery store, at IKEA, walking the street, as well: We're not always holding hands but are couply as any other couple probably is that has lived together for several years.

But I'm really, really lucky and never had one single homophobic remark thrown at us. Neither in the big city I live now nor in the small village I grew up in nor in one of the countries we visited (but as a couple we travelled just Europe, so ...). Just some construction worker whisteling. And I'm totally ok with that :)

But maybe I am subconciously more cautious and aware of the people around us as with former boyfriends and act accordingly without really noticing it. That I don't know ...